Archive for May 24th, 2014

Saturday, 24 May 2014

King Arthur Was a Mountie by Gary Barwin

King Arthur was a Canadian Indian
King Arthur was Louis Riel
King Arthur was a Mountie

King Arthur was a pacifist warmonger
King Arthur was the flower of chivalry
King Arthur is a seven-syllable word that begins with a vowel

King Arthur spent his honeymoon dressed in armour
Guinevere was a mail-order bride
Galahad had one routine where he answered questions before they were asked
when he said the word Saskatchewan he said it with a lisp

Ed Sullivan first created the Round Table, but one year later it was pre-empted by the Super Bowl
when the Beatles first appeared on Ed Sullivan they each swallowed a miniature version of the Round Table
when the beetles first appeared on King Arthur, he brushed them off

Johnny Carson is really Galahad
Ed McMahon is the Grail
the Sword in the Stone is really President Kennedy
Marilyn Monroe loved Geoffrey of Monmouth’s History of the Kings of Britain
Elvis loved Arthur
I have never seen the movie where Mae West is Morgan Le Fay

Canada is to the U.S. as Lancelot is to Arthur
Canada is to the U.S. as Sir Gawain is to the Green Knight
Canada is to the U.S. as Arthur is to Guinevere

Merlin had Nancy Reagan in his back pocket
Nancy Reagan was responsible for the downfall of the British people
Sir Kay swallowed eleven muskox because Arthur made him
if Arthur’s court had ever seen a caribou, courtly love would never have existed
the Canadian Arctic is the Grail, filled with blood

Canada is to the U.S. as Tintagel Castle is to the Mississippi
Canada is to the U.S. as Wyoming is to Glastonbury Tor
Canada is to the U.S. as Johnny Carson is to the visionary kingdom of Arthurian Britain

Camelot is not a phallic symbol, it is a place of pure joy
Camelot is the place where I first learned the meaning of the word Canada.


Date: 1987

By: Gary Barwin (1964- )